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Anticipatory Grief: Coping with Loss Before It Happens

October 3, 2025
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Most people associate grief with what comes after a loss, the pain or mourning that you feel after the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a major life change. However, for some individuals, grief may begin long before the loss actually occurs. This form of mourning is called anticipatory grief. It can feel confusing and isolating, but it is a deeply human response to knowing that change or loss is on the horizon. Understanding this type of grief, why it happens, and how to cope with it can help you move through this time with more compassion for yourself and connection to others.

What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is the emotional process of grieving in advance of an expected loss. It often arises in situations where death or significant change seems inevitable, such as:

Unlike grief after a loss, anticipatory grief is layered with uncertainty. You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief, and sometimes all at once. These emotions often come in waves, leaving people unsure if what they’re experiencing is “normal.” The truth is, that this type of grief is a natural, valid part of the human response to loss. It’s your mind and body’s way of preparing for what’s ahead, even when you wish it weren’t coming.

A man sitting on a bench by a seawall in Seattle, Washington, thinking about anticipatory grief

Signs of Anticipatory Grief

While everyone’s experience is different, some common signs of anticipatory grief include:

These experiences are not a sign of weakness or selfishness. They reflect your nervous system’s attempt to adapt to overwhelming circumstances.

Why Anticipatory Grief Feels So Heavy

Anticipatory grief carries a unique weight because it exists in the tension between the now and the not yet. You may still have time with your loved one, moments of laughter, connection, or even conflict, while also holding the knowledge that these moments are finite.

Psychologists note that anticipatory grief can be both protective and painful. On one hand, it gives you space to gradually adjust, to say goodbyes, and to choose how you spend your time leading up to the loss more intentionally. On the other hand, it can heighten anxiety, blur boundaries, and leave you feeling like you’re grieving twice, once before the loss, and again after it happens (Rando, 2000).

Although often discussed in medical contexts, anticipatory grief also applies to larger social and existential realities. Many people experience it when facing:

Acknowledging these forms of grief reminds us that mourning is not only personal but collective, and that healing often comes through connecting with community as much as individual work.

An image of Ellie and Carl from the movie Up, which deals with grief after the loss of a loved one.

Coping With Anticipatory Grief

There is no single roadmap for coping with anticipatory grief, but there are practices that can help you navigate this time with more gentleness and presence.

1. Allow Space for Your Feelings

It’s common to feel pressure to “stay strong” or “hold it together.” However, grief doesn’t wait politely for the right moment; it demands to be expressed. Giving yourself permission to cry, journal, rage, or sit in stillness can help prevent emotions from becoming bottled up. Allowing space for your feelings means identifying and acknowledging your emotions, and then letting yourself feel them without judgment or expectation. One way to practice this is by pausing to ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now, and what does it need?” Even five minutes of acknowledgment can help it not feel so overwhelming or suffocating.

2. Stay Connected to Your Loved One

If you’re grieving someone who is still alive, it can feel strange to express sadness while they’re here. However, staying connected can be deeply healing. This might look like:

Even when illness or dementia makes communication difficult, simple gestures such as holding hands, playing familiar music, or sitting with them can nurture your connection.

3. Lean on Your Community

Grief is not meant to be carried alone. Yet many people in anticipatory grief feel guilty seeking support, as if their pain isn’t valid because “the loss hasn’t happened yet.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

Whether it’s a trusted friend, a support group, or a therapist, sharing your experience with others can ease the isolation, validate your experiences, and provide care and community.

4. Care for Your Nervous System

Anticipatory grief doesn’t just live in your mind; it impacts your body. Carrying grief can cause chronic stress, leading to a weakened immune system, increased anxiety, and exhaustion (Stroebe et al., 2007).

Tending to your nervous system can make grief more manageable. This might include:

5. Create Meaning in the Present

One of the hardest parts of anticipatory grief is knowing your time is limited. While you can’t control the future, you can choose how you show up today.

Ask yourself:

These choices don’t erase the pain, but they can anchor you in meaning when grief feels overwhelming.

When to Seek Support

While anticipatory grief is a natural process, it can sometimes feel overwhelming or lead to depression, anxiety, or burnout. You may want to seek professional support if you notice:

Therapy offers a safe space to process your grief, find grounding in the present, and create meaning through the uncertainty.

Anticipatory grief can feel complicated. It asks you to hold sorrow for what is coming, while also showing up for what is still here. It reminds you that love and loss are intertwined, and that facing the reality of impermanence can deepen your appreciation for life itself.

A client and a grief therapist sitting near a wall of windows in a Seattle psychiatrist's office.

Seattle Grief Support | Existential Psychiatry

If you are navigating anticipatory grief, you don’t have to go through this time of your life alone. At Existential Psychiatry, Dr. David Zacharias provides patient-centered psychiatric services, including therapy, medication management, and diagnostic assessment. For over twenty years, Dr. Zacharias has supported patients from all walks of life as they have faced grief and bereavement, health struggles, trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and more. If you’re interested in beginning therapy for grief, please reach out to schedule a free consultation.

Written by Existential Psychiatry Staff

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