Existential Psychiatry

Existential Psychiatry Blog

Disconnection: Exploring the Core of Addiction, Childhood Trauma, and Codependency

September 16, 2024
Back to all posts

Addiction is often described as a search for connection, a way to fill an emotional void, or manage pain. Trauma, especially when experienced in childhood, frequently disrupts this essential human need for connection. A deep sense of disconnection arises when the people or environments we rely on for safety and love instead create harm. As a result, individuals may turn to coping strategies like codependency and addiction to fill that gap. Here we’ll explore the disconnection intertwined with addiction, childhood trauma, and codependency and ways to support a path to healing.

Trauma, Disconnection, and Its Impact

Trauma is the emotional and psychological response to events that overwhelm an individual’s ability to cope. Childhood trauma, in particular, can have a profound effect on development. When children experience abuse, neglect, or emotional abandonment, they often feel unsafe and disconnected from their caregivers.

This loss of connection disrupts their sense of safety in relationships and the world. As children grow, this disconnection can manifest in various ways, including emotional pain, loneliness, or a lack of belonging. Unresolved trauma may lead individuals to seek out ways to regain a sense of connection, often through codependent relationships or addiction.

What is Codependency?

Codependency arises when individuals base their self-worth on how well they can care for others or meet external expectations. This dynamic can lead to excessive people-pleasing, a lack of boundaries, and difficulty expressing personal needs. It often stems from early relational trauma, where a child learns that love is conditional. Children who grow up in environments where their emotional needs are unmet may seek validation by becoming overly responsible for others, hoping to earn love by sacrificing their own needs.

This dynamic is rooted in the trauma of disconnection. A child who feels emotionally abandoned by their caregivers will often internalize the belief that they are not good enough on their own. Instead of feeling secure and worthy, they may strive to prove their value through relationships. They may form codependent relationships where they put others’ needs ahead of their own. They might feel responsible for others' emotions, leading to guilt or shame when they are unable to "fix" their loved one’s problems.

For instance, someone might stay in a toxic relationship and struggle with setting personal boundaries because they’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned. They are willing to sacrifice their well-being in exchange for the hope of feeling wanted, loved, or connected. However, codependency ultimately reinforces the original trauma—repeating patterns of disconnection and emotional abandonment.

Addiction: Filling the Void of Disconnection

Addiction, whether it involves substances or behaviors (like compulsive work, relationships, or internet use), is another way individuals attempt to cope with disconnection. Addiction is often less about the substance or behavior itself and more about a person's attempt to numb emotional pain or fill an internal void. Addiction serves as a temporary relief from the overwhelming feelings of loneliness, rejection, or lack of self-worth that stem from trauma.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study, found that individuals who experience early trauma are significantly more likely to develop addictions later in life. When trauma leads to disconnection from oneself and others, addiction offers a false sense of connection -- even if only for a short time. Alcohol, drugs, or compulsive behaviors can numb the pain of isolation or provide a fleeting sense of comfort.

While substances or behaviors may provide temporary relief, they end up exacerbating the wounds. As the addiction progresses, the individual feels even more disconnected—from others, themselves, and the world around them.

Person sitting aline at the beach exploring the Core of Addiction, Childhood Trauma, and Codependency

The Codependency-Addiction Cycle

Codependency and addiction often work together creating a continuous loop of disconnection. Codependent individuals may use addiction as a way to cope with the stress of prioritizing others over themselves, while individuals in active addiction may rely on codependent partners to manage the fallout of their addictive behaviors.

For example, a codependent person who feels responsible for their partner’s addiction might try to fix the problem or keep the peace. They may believe that their partner’s substance use is a reflection of their own worth or abilities, further entrenching themselves in the relationship. The individual with an addiction may depend on their partner to enable their behavior, solve their problems, or provide emotional and financial support.

This creates a toxic feedback loop where neither person is truly connected in a healthy way. Both parties are stuck in patterns of disconnection. Without addressing the underlying trauma and lack of connection, both individuals remain trapped in a cycle that reinforces emotional pain and dependency.

Strategies to Help Heal Addiction, Childhood Trauma, and Codependency

Healing the disconnection is essential in addressing both codependency and addiction. By reconnecting with your true self, you can recognize your own needs, develop self-worth, and establish healthy boundaries. This helps you break free from the compulsion to rely on others for validation or to numb emotional pain through addictive behaviors. Similarly, reconnecting with others in healthy, non-codependent relationships fosters a sense of belonging and support. This reduces the need to seek fulfillment through external sources like substances or care-taking. Healing disconnection restores balance and promotes emotional independence and healthier relationships. Support strategies may include:

Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy can be instrumental in healing both codependency and addiction by addressing the unresolved emotional wounds that often drive these behaviors. It can help uncover and process early relational trauma, such as neglect or abandonment, that led to the need for external validation and care-taking. By healing these core wounds, you can learn to set healthy boundaries, prioritize your needs, and rebuild self-worth.

In addiction recovery, trauma therapy addresses the emotional pain or trauma that fuels the desire to escape or numb feelings. It can be conducted alongside behavioral therapy, and help you:

Rebuilding Healthy Relationships

Mindfulness and Self-Awareness Practices

Self-Compassion and Self-Care

Building Healthy Hobbies and Interests

Incorporating healthy hobbies into your life provides positive outlets for emotional expression, personal growth, and self-care. For those recovering from addiction, hobbies replace the time and energy once spent on addictive behaviors, offering purpose and healthier coping strategies.

In codependency recovery, hobbies help you reconnect with your own interests and build self-worth, shifting focus away from others and fostering emotional independence. By engaging in fulfilling activities, you can create balance in your life and reduce emotional voids that often drive addiction and codependent patterns.

People Doing Group Hand Cheer thanks to therapy for Addiction, Childhood Trauma, and Codependency

Reconnecting with Community

Community involvement can provide support, accountability, and a sense of belonging. It can also foster emotional support, reduce loneliness, and promote healthier ways of relating to both oneself and others. Explore in-person and online communities to see what works for you. (e.g., volunteer groups, spiritual or religious communities, and local clubs or organizations)

At the heart of addiction, childhood trauma, and codependency is often a profound sense of disconnection. The search for connection, whether through care-taking or addictive substances or behaviors, reflects a deeper need to heal and belong.

Seattle Therapy for Childhood Trauma and Codependency

If you want a therapist to help you rebuild connections in your life, contact Existential Psychiatry. Dr. David Zacharias provides patient-centered care for trauma, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and depression. He'll collaborate with you to create a holistic treatment plan geared toward your needs and goals. In-person appointments are available in the greater Seattle area and online sessions are open to Washington state residents. If you're interested in therapy or other psychiatry services, please schedule a free consultation.

Written by Existential Psychiatry Staff

Sources