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Reparenting and Healing Your Inner Child

July 18, 2025
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If you've found yourself reacting strongly to something seemingly small, feeling unseen or abandoned in adult relationships, or carrying a hurt you can't quite name, you may be brushing up against your inner child.

The inner child is a concept that speaks to those earlier parts of ourselves: the parts that learned how the world works through experience rather than logic. This includes memories of love and connection, but also moments of hurt, fear, or unmet needs that we may still carry into adulthood. Healing your inner child involves learning to reparent yourself by offering the kind of care, validation, and protection you may not have received consistently when you needed it most.

What Is the Inner Child?

Your inner child refers to the part of you that holds early emotional memories, both joyful and painful. These include memories of love, play, safety, but also neglect, fear, shame, wounds, or beliefs you absorbed growing up. Whether or not you remember your childhood clearly, your inner child still lives within you. This part of you often influences your self-esteem, relationships, emotional regulation, and ability to feel safe and loved.

When we were children, we made meaning of the world based on what we experienced and what we were told, even if what we learned wasn’t true or fair. If your needs were dismissed, you may have learned to silence yourself. If you were punished for expressing anger, you may now struggle to advocate for yourself. If you had to grow up too quickly, your inner child might be buried under layers of hyper-independence or people-pleasing.

As John Bradshaw notes in Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, reconnecting with your inner child allows you to heal emotional wounds at their roots, offering a path toward self-acceptance and transformation (Bradshaw, 1990).

Person standing in a canyon with their arms outstretched away from the camera, thinking about healing your inner child.

Why It Matters in Adulthood

You might not think about your inner child much until you realize how often your current triggers reflect older pain. Maybe your partner ignoring your text stirs the same feelings of abandonment you felt when your parents were unavailable. Your boss’s criticism might trigger the shame you felt being scolded as a kid. The inner child shows up when we're vulnerable, when we feel powerless, or when a current situation mirrors an old wound.

This doesn’t mean your inner child is "immature" or a problem to fix. It means there’s a part of you that’s still waiting to be heard, loved, and held in a way that creates real safety.

What Does It Mean to Be Your Own Loving Parent?

Being your own loving parent means learning to meet your inner child with the tenderness, structure, and reassurance you needed but didn’t receive. That doesn’t mean blaming your caregivers or idealizing a perfect childhood because no one had that. Instead, it means:

Imagine what you might say to a young child who is upset or scared. You wouldn’t tell them to "get over it" or "stop being dramatic." You’d offer comfort, reassurance, and support. That’s the same attitude you can bring to yourself. When you begin to tend to your inner child, you open the door to deeper self-understanding, healing, and emotional freedom.

Common Signs Your Inner Child Needs Attention

These patterns aren’t random. They’re often rooted in childhood strategies that once protected you, but now no longer serve you. The good news is: these patterns can shift.

Practices for Reconnecting with and Healing Your Inner Child

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but here are some gentle ways to start building a relationship with your inner child:

1. Visualize and Acknowledge Them

Close your eyes and imagine yourself at a younger age. What are they wearing? How do they feel? What do they need? You might look at childhood photos to help connect. Speak to this version of yourself with care: "I see you. I know that was hard. I’m here now."

2. Write Letters

Try journaling from your inner child’s voice, or write letters back and forth between your adult self and your younger self. This can help surface beliefs you didn’t realize you were carrying (like "I have to be perfect to be loved").

3. Offer Daily Reassurance

When you notice a trigger or big emotion, pause and check in. What might your inner child need at this moment? Validation? Comfort? Boundaries? To the best of your ability, meet that need. This could look like telling them out loud: "You’re safe now. I’m here with you."

4. Engage in Play or Nurturing Activities

What did you love to do as a kid? Drawing? Playing outside? Building things? Try bringing some of that into your life now. It’s not frivolous to implement these into your life now. In fact, including play in your life as an adult can support your mental health and emotional resilience.

5. Reparent in Real Time

When your inner critic flares up, pause and ask: "Is this how I’d speak to a child I love?" If not, change the tone. Show up for yourself in ways that are kind, consistent, and protective. This can look like reminding yourself, “everyone makes mistakes, and I don’t need to be perfect.” “I’m still learning.” “It’s a good thing for me to rest.”

Parent caring for their child by sitting next to them and holding hands.

Barriers to Healing Your Inner

This work isn’t always easy. Some people struggle to connect with their inner child because they were taught to suppress emotions or never had a sense of safety. Others may feel embarrassed or unsure how to start, and that’s okay.

You don’t need to do this perfectly. You simply need to start with curiosity and care. You might feel resistance, grief, or anger. These are signs you’re beginning to touch something real. Give yourself time.

Trauma research has found that reconnecting with dissociated or wounded parts of the self is a foundational step in treating complex trauma and emotional dysregulation. Inner child work is one way to facilitate this healing process.

How Inner Child Work Can Support Therapy

Working with your inner child can bring depth and healing to therapy. With a supportive therapist, you might:

Therapy offers a space to do this work with guidance and compassion. You don’t have to try to reparent yourself alone.

You Deserve the Love You Longed For

Your inner child isn’t a weakness or a flaw. They are the most tender part of you, the part that still hopes, hurts, and wants to be seen. Learning to be your own loving parent is not a quick fix, but it is a profound act of self-love and healing.

You don’t have to keep pushing through or hiding your pain. You can learn to listen, comfort, and care for yourself in ways that support your long-term healing.

Healing the Inner Child with Support in Seattle

At Existential Psychiatry, Dr. David Zacharias offers compassionate therapy and psychiatric support to help people explore and reconnect with their inner child. For over two decades, Dr. Zacharias has helped individuals from all walks of life gain self-understanding, deepen their self-compassion, and shift beliefs and patterns that no longer served them. If you’re interested in inner child work or curious about how therapy can support your healing, reach out today to schedule a free consultation.

Written by Existential Psychiatry Staff

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