"People do not realize just how much they are putting at risk when they don’t accept what Life presents them with, the questions and tasks that Life sets them...After much reflection, I have come to the conclusion that it is better to Live what one really is and accept the difficulties that arise as a result—because avoidance is much worse." — Carl Jung
If you've ever found yourself replaying a painful memory, fighting against something you can't change, or feeling stuck in resentment over the way things "should" be, you're not alone. The human mind is wired to resist discomfort and seek control. However, sometimes, the more we resist reality, the more we suffer. That's where radical acceptance comes in.
Radical acceptance is the practice of fully acknowledging reality as it is, without judgment, denial, or avoidance. It's not about giving up, giving in, or agreeing with painful circumstances. It’s about recognizing what is real and outside of your control, so you can stop wasting energy resisting it and start responding to it in a way that aligns with your values and goals.
What Is Radical Acceptance?
The term "radical acceptance" was popularized by psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). In this context, "radical" means complete and total acceptance, not just intellectually, but emotionally and spiritually. It involves turning toward reality, even when it’s painful, and saying: "This is what is happening right now."
Radical acceptance does not mean approving of what happened or deciding not to take action. Instead, it means stopping the internal battle against reality so that you can engage with the world from a place of clarity and strength.
Radical Acceptance vs. Resignation
Many people worry that if they accept things as they are, they’ll become passive or complacent. But radical acceptance is not the same as resignation. Resignation says, "There's nothing I can do, so I might as well give up." Radical acceptance says, "This is what's true right now. What can I do next that honors my truth and my values?"
It’s possible to accept the reality of climate change, for example, while still fighting for environmental justice. It’s possible to accept that your childhood was painful while also seeking healing or changing how you interact with family members as an adult or how you raise your children. Radical acceptance helps us stop spinning our wheels in grief, blame, or what-ifs, and start moving forward with purpose.
Self-Acceptance and the Inner Critic
Radical acceptance also applies to our relationship with ourselves. Many people live in a constant state of self-rejection: believing they should be smarter, thinner, calmer, or more productive. This self-judgment fuels shame, anxiety, and burnout.
Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you never want to grow or improve. It means you stop treating your worth as conditional. You accept your current thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as part of your humanity, without letting them define your value.
This doesn’t happen overnight. For many, self-acceptance involves unlearning deep-seated beliefs and practicing a new way of relating to themselves. It means treating yourself with kindness, curiosity, and compassion, and allowing room for mistakes and growth. Radical acceptance invites you to be on your own team, even when you’re struggling.
Accepting What You Cannot Control
Life includes illness, loss, injustice, heartbreak, and uncertainty. No matter how hard we try, we can’t control everything. Radical acceptance helps us acknowledge this reality without collapsing under it.
That doesn’t mean we stop grieving or feeling angry. Accepting reality often opens the door for those very emotions to move through us, rather than getting stuck. It might mean accepting that someone you love has a substance use disorder, that your body is aging, or that a job opportunity didn’t work out.
Acceptance can soften the intensity of our emotional suffering. It helps us stop asking, "Why is this happening to me?" and start asking, "Now that this is happening, what do I need?"
Navigating the Nuance of Acceptance and Social Change
One of the most important distinctions to make when discussing radical acceptance is that it does not mean accepting injustice, abuse, or systemic harm as "okay." Instead, it means acknowledging the reality of those conditions in order to respond to them with greater clarity and intention.
For example, someone might accept that racism exists—not as a passive shrug, but as a step toward fighting it more effectively. Acceptance allows us to see the world as it is, rather than how we wish it were. From there, we can act with strategy, compassion, and resilience.
Similarly, you can accept that you feel exhausted and burnt out from caregiving, while still showing up for your community. You can accept that you need rest, boundaries, or support in order to best care for your community, and let that truth guide your activism, parenting, or relationships.
Radical acceptance is the opposite of denial. It creates room for grief, clarity, and action.
Barriers to Practicing Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance can be challenging for several reasons, including:
- Fear of Letting Go: We often confuse acceptance with forgiveness or approval. It can feel like letting go of anger means letting someone "off the hook."
- Desire for Control: Humans are wired to avoid pain and seek control. Accepting reality means facing uncertainty, grief, anger, vulnerability, or a sense of powerlessness, which can be terrifying.
- Shame and Blame: Especially in cases of trauma or loss, people may struggle to accept what happened because they become stuck in blame toward themselves or others. Shame and blame often create a vicious internal cycle that can be difficult to transcend, leaving one stuck in resentment, bitterness, and loathing toward self and other.”
- Cultural Messages: Many of us were taught to "tough it out," "move on," or "stay positive," which can make honest acceptance feel at odds with how we were raised.
These barriers are not personal failures. They're part of the emotional terrain we all navigate as humans. Awareness of them can help us practice patience and compassion with ourselves.
How to Practice Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is a skill, and like any skill, it takes time to build. Below you'll find steps to help you practice:
- Name the Reality: Say it plainly. "I lost my job." "This relationship is over." "My parent is dying." Naming reality is the first step toward accepting it.
- Allow Your Feelings: Acceptance doesn’t mean you like what's happening. Let yourself feel sad, angry, afraid, or numb. Emotions are valid responses to reality.
- Practice Mindful Awareness: Notice when your mind starts getting stuck on resisting the situation, "This shouldn’t be happening," or "It’s not fair." Gently bring your attention back to what is happening.
- Use Grounding Statements: Try phrases like: "This is what's happening right now." "I may not like it, but I can face it." "Fighting reality won’t change it."
- Take One Next Step: Once you've acknowledged what's true, ask yourself: "What is one thing I can do in this moment that aligns with my values or helps me care for myself?"
- Seek Support: You don’t have to do this alone. Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group can help you process and practice acceptance.
- Remind Yourself of What Acceptance Is Not: It's not approval, it's not passivity, and it's not weakness. It’s choosing to engage with reality instead of resisting it.
How Radical Acceptance Shows Up in Therapy
Therapists often help clients practice radical acceptance by:
- Exploring what clients are struggling to accept and why
- Identifying the emotional costs of resistance
- Validating painful emotions while gently guiding clients toward reality
- Offering mindfulness or grounding techniques to support the process
- Encouraging values-based action, even in difficult circumstances
In therapy, radical acceptance is not just a concept; it becomes a way to heal, make decisions, and move forward. It empowers you to let go of the battle with what you cannot change, and reclaim energy for what you can.
Radical acceptance is a powerful tool for personal growth, emotional regulation, and resilience. It doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you stop fighting battles you can't win, so you can focus on what truly matters.
Seattle Therapy That Meets You Where You Are
At Existential Psychiatry, we believe that acceptance and action can coexist. For over two decades in healthcare, Dr. David Zacharias has helped people navigate the messy, painful, beautiful parts of being human with honesty, self-compassion, and courage. He provides patient-centered therapy, medication management, and diagnostic assessment in-person in the Seattle-Tacoma area and online across Washington.
If you’re struggling to accept yourself or something in your life, you’re not alone. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation.
Written by Existential Psychiatry
Sources
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.