Money is one of the few things that touches nearly every part of our lives. It influences where we live, the healthcare we can access, the opportunities available to us, how much rest we get, and whether our basic needs are met. It can shape our relationships, our sense of security, and even the choices we believe we're allowed to make. Society's messaging about money also impacts our relationships with it.

There is a lot of financial advice that suggests that every money problem can be solved through better spending and saving habits or a more positive mindset. Then there are views of money and mental health that overlook the impact of poverty, systemic inequality, discrimination, disability, and rising housing costs on our mental and physical well-being.

Our relationship with money is shaped by both our lived experiences and the economic realities we exist within. Understanding that relationship isn't about blaming yourself for financial hardship or pretending that structural problems can be solved through positive thinking. Instead, it's about becoming curious about the beliefs, emotions, and patterns that influence how you relate to money while also acknowledging that many financial struggles are rooted in circumstances far beyond individual control.

The Emotional Aspect of Money

Money goes beyond numbers on your bank statement, and often represents something much bigger. For some people, it represents safety, stability, or security. For others, it represents freedom, success, generosity, or love. Since money carries emotional meaning, two people with identical incomes may experience their finances very differently.

One person may constantly fear losing everything despite having substantial savings. Another may struggle to save because spending provides temporary relief from stress or loneliness. Neither response is only about dollars, but more about what money has come to symbolize for them personally.

Where Our Money Beliefs Come From

Most of us inherit ideas about money in childhood, long before we earn our first paycheck. For example, you may have grown up hearing that money was always scarce, or financial conversations ended in arguments, secrecy, or shame. Or, you learned that asking for help was unsafe and burdensome, or that financial success determined your worth. Perhaps you grew up in financial hardship where worrying about money was necessary for your family's survival.

Our early experiences often shape the assumptions or beliefs about money that we carry into adulthood. These are referred to as money scripts, which are the deeply held beliefs about money that develop through childhood experiences, family culture, and broader social messages (Klontz & Klontz, 2009). Many of these beliefs operate outside our awareness, yet they still influence how we spend, save, work, and respond to financial stress.

The Realities of Financial Stress

It's important to distinguish between your relationship with money and your financial circumstances. Someone experiencing poverty, housing insecurity, unemployment, or overwhelming debt is not struggling because of unhealthy beliefs about money. Financial hardship is a legitimate source of chronic stress and has historically been used as a tool to oppress different groups of people.

Research has shown that financial strain is associated with increased anxiety, depression, poorer emotional well-being, and heightened physiological stress responses (Steptoe, Emch, & Hamer, 2020). Stress and anxiety are to be expected if you're forced to choose between paying rent and buying groceries, or when an unexpected medical bill threatens your stability. Recognizing the psychological effects of financial hardship should never become a way of individualizing problems that are systemic issues within our society.

We All Have a Relationship with Money

Even when financial challenges are part of systemic issues, we still develop patterns in how we respond to money and beliefs about finances. Some people avoid looking at bank accounts because the anxiety feels overwhelming. Others monitor every dollar, finding it extremely difficult to spend money even when they can afford it. Some individuals work past the point of burnout because slowing down feels unsafe. Others equate financial success with personal worth and believe that they're only as valuable as their productivity or income.

These patterns make sense when viewed through the lens of someone's life experiences, and the question isn't whether your relationship with money is "good" or "bad." A more helpful question is whether your relationship with finances still serves you and the life you're trying to build.

Self-Worth, Money, and Mental Health

Modern society views financial success as a reflection of people's value. Those with wealth are frequently described as disciplined, ambitious, smart, or successful. Individuals struggling financially may be viewed as irresponsible or lacking motivation, even when systemic barriers, discrimination, disability, caregiving responsibilities, or economic conditions play a significant role.

Over time, it's easy to internalize these messages. You may measure your worth by your salary, savings, career, or ability to provide for others. However, self-worth built on financial circumstances is inherently fragile because careers change, economies fluctuate, people get sick, and unexpected events happen. Your value as a person cannot be reduced to a number in your bank account.

Money and Relationships

How finances are discussed and handled within a relationship often represents trust, fairness, security, autonomy, or control. One partner may view saving as responsible, while the other sees spending as a way to enjoy life. Neither perspective is necessarily wrong, and they may each reflect different life experiences.

Instead of asking, "Who's right?" it's more helpful to ask, "What does money mean to each of us?" This question can reveal fears and values that give you more insight and awareness of yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Moving Toward a Healthier Relationship with Money

A healthier relationship with money doesn't mean eliminating financial stress or never worrying about bills. It means learning to separate your humanity and self-worth from your finances. It also means recognizing when anxiety stems from financial hardship and when old beliefs may be adding another layer of suffering.

Below are questions to help you get started as you reflect on your relationship with money.

• What emotions come up when I think about money?
• What messages did I receive about money growing up?
• Do I associate financial success with my worth as a person?
• What does financial success mean to me?
• Am I making financial decisions based on my current values or old fears?
• Are there places where shame is preventing me from asking for help?

Healing your relationship with money may also involve outside support. Therapy cannot erase systemic factors, but it can help you navigate the shame, fear, identity questions, and relationship patterns that accompany financial stress.

Compassionate Support for Navigating Money and Mental Health

Money can bring up some of our deepest fears about safety, identity, success, and belonging. If you're finding that financial stress, or your relationship with money, is affecting your mental health, you don't have to untangle it alone.

At Existential Psychiatry, Dr. David Zacharias helps individuals explore the emotional, relational, and existential questions that accompany financial stress, career decisions, life transitions, and identity. In therapy, you'll have a nonjudgmental space to process and better understand yourself and your experiences. If you're ready to explore how money and mental health intersect in your life, reach out today to schedule a free consultation.

Therapy, diagnostic assessment, and medication management are available in-person in Seattle and online across Washington state.

Written by Existential Psychiatry Staff

References

• Klontz, B., & Klontz, T. (2009). Mind Over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health. Broadway Books.

• Steptoe, A., Emch, S., & Hamer, M. (2020). Associations between financial strain and emotional wellbeing and physiological responses to acute mental stress. Psychosomatic Medicine, 82(9).